A story of Heartbreak
A month ago I’ve been contacted again by someone. I call him Mas. He trying to meet me, even he should get an off day permits to his office, he works for governance, so ya he always late for going home because he should get several meetings every day.
Day by day, we have an intimate enough (like yesterday but it’s totally different), he always called me thru phone for waking me up in the morning every day and so on. And someday he asked me to get a ticket for a short vacation. Shortly, He usually follows me up with every single plan, the plan is arranged by me cause he only wants a relax with me, everything will handle me.
But, in the mid time of prepared all these things, I had a strange feeling, I should go or not. So, on a Saturday morning, I randomly checked his new social media and I’m shocked, he just got married last year.
I got upset, really. We argued for about a week, he called me every single time, he contacted me, he tried to catch me. At the moment, I want to block him immediately, but I won’t.
In the end, he still chatting me and I reply with a normal. He didn’t tell the truth when we lost contacted, we just know each other from two years ago. I don’t know, why it can happen to me when I want to have a serious relationship with someone. Why.
Heartbreak № 02 and 03:
Another story, nearly with my heartbreak number 01, I lost several important things in my life, from a steady condition suddenly turn down into an almost deep abyss, from I lost my grandma (she died in my hand when I hug her) until my issue related to my other business and career. Sounds hype but this is totally what I’ve felt. Perhaps, I should have a mentor, a real personal mentor, it can be my BFF or a lover, I don’t know.
On January, we ended a contract with some big company, my partner business didn’t focus because of still ongoing with the thesis and another project (also, she already work 9–5 and yes she really busy with her busy day). And besides all of my business in Bandung, I decided to resign from my main job in Jakarta, it’s my bad I know, but I prefer to choose my mind and body despite all of my jobs. You know, I live alone in Jakarta and every weekend I should catch my train to Bandung, in short, I live in two cities, a weekday in Jakarta and weekend in Bandung, imagine what my body felt. One thing that I have to remain, I should care and love my whole body. So yea, I decided to move to Bandung for a while, trying to make my inner peace arise again and running my business again.
Another day, I’m going to take the test (interview) with an International Organization, they called me to come for an interview. I knew I didn’t prepare well for that day, I didn’t have a good sleep last night, I didn’t make a powerpoint, and voila I’m just doing my freestyle presentation and the result? failed. If I passed, I should move to another country for about two years and yes, I’m cried because of my fault.
Why Heartbreak?
From all this happened, I realize perhaps it’s only a ‘tool’ or something we can say a ‘way’, which is this is a step forward, a new phase for getting me higher than yesterday. There are many people has a heartbreak, whether someone told me a scenario revolving around the death of a loved one, a messy breakup, becoming estranged from someone they cared about, or feeling let down by society overall, there was one thing each story held in common:
The heartbreak was based on feeling that things should be one way, and becoming disappointed to learn that they were another.
Heartbreak is not just about love, the term heartbreak is vaster than just that one scenario. It includes the little ways we let ourselves down or compare ourselves to others. It includes the way we yearn to forgive itself, someone letting us down, abandoning us, or dying. It includes the death of animal we cherish, societal heartbreak, ranging from the ways we abuse our earth to the ways we abuse each other on a massive scale. From the personal, to the interpersonal, to the societal, there are many forms of heartbreak.
Heartbreak isn’t just pain and suffering. There’s also an opportunity to take what you learned with you, and apply it so you grow in all sorts of ways. You may end up learning that you are constantly changing, and your ego isn’t as tight as you think it is, and that you can actually relax some of that ‘what if’ thinking and become comfortable with the way things are. those sorts of lessons strike me as incredibly valuable.
Yeah this is my heartbreak story from the end of last year, I dont know where the phase will stop, I believe that the cycle is still going on and hope it will end soon. You wish, I wish.
